Don’t Change a Thing for Me

Posted on December 14, 2012 by richrockwood

Valentine-Hearts-Wallpaper

Experience as a Flashlight:  When my wife Inga died, I had lots of memories of her. One of the endearing things about her was she loved singing “My Funny Valentine” for anyone who would listen on her birthday.  Her birthday was two days before Valentine’s Day.  One of the lines in the song is:  “Don’t change a hair for me, not if you care for me.  Stay little valentine stay.  Each day is Valentine’s Day.”  Inga belted it badly.  What she lacked in tone, she made up for with sentiment.

I have been blessed since then to meet and marry an acquaintance from many years ago.  That wife-shaped vacuum has been filled and I am learning this truth once again.   When I notice my wife doing things differently, I am reminded that I have someone in my life again.  And the last thing I want or need to try and do is change even the smallest thing about her.  I find those differences are strong reminders that I am in a relationship, that I am no longer alone.

I guess the point today is that the most enjoyment we can have in a relationship is when we realize we cannot and in fact need not change a thing about our partner.  Each day can be Valentine Day.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Appreciation, Feelings, Happiness, love, Perspective, relationships, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

To Grandmother’s House We Go

Posted on December 12, 2012 by richrockwood

Grandma and Little Rich

Living in the Past:  Back when I was growing up, it was always a treat to go to grandmother’s house.  One of my earliest memories of her is being in a park somewhere together feeding bread crumbs to ducks.  It was thrilling and I suspect may have something to do with my lifelong fascination with ducks.  If I’m not mistaken Grandma also had some nice treats for us as well.

Grandma lived in Lansing, Michigan which was also home for many years to the production plant for Oldsmobiles.  Named after Ransom E. Olds, the Olds Motor Works was founded in 1897 and over its 107 year history manufactured 35.2million cars.  It was 12 years ago today that Oldsmobile began phasing out its operations.  Fortunately, grandma didn’t have to see that.  Grandma passed away in November of 1980.

Life teaches us we have to let go of precious things.  We get other gifts in their place.  I became a step grandfather back in 1993 to a beautiful baby girl named Alexandra Elizabeth, who today is a competent, intelligent, and beautiful woman.  I would love to see her more often than I do, but that only makes the time I do so much more precious.    This makes me think of the man who found perspective after losing much more than I ever have  “and said:  ‘We bring nothing at birth; we take nothing with us at death.  The LORD alone gives and takes.  Praise the name of the LORD!”  Job 1:21 (CEV)

I have seen many good people and experiences come into my life and then leave after a time.  I keep learning it is best to not see them as mine, but rather as gifts for only a little while.

Posted in Aging, Contentment, Courage, Enjoyment, Famous People, Feelings, Focus, Gifts, Grand children, Grandmothers, Grandparents, Happiness, Letting Go, Life, love, Memory, Old Age, Perspective, relationships, Thankfulness, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Relax!

Posted on December 10, 2012 by richrockwood

reduce-stress-and-relax

Lessons I’ve Learned:  Back in 1994 on a Sunday afternoon, I thought I was having a heart attack.  I had a meeting to host in a short while and I started feeling something strange in my chest.  I felt my heart was acting weird.  I felt bloated in my stomach.  I thought I was going to pass out.  Panicked, I had my wife drive me to the emergency room where I was admitted under the category of “rule out a heart attack.”  They  hooked me up with countless wires and by the next day informed me it was not a heart attack.  I had had an “anxiety attack” which can mimic a heart attack.

In my follow up appointment with my physician, he recommended I find a counselor or therapist so I could better handle the stresses of my life.  I ended up taking a course on relaxation, which seemed almost humorous at first.

All my life, I thought, I had excelled at relaxation.  I loved times of relaxation.  My problem, I thought,  was not a failure to relax, it was finding the motivation to get my work done.  The anxiety attack proved me wrong.  It proved I knew how to get worked up over projects.  What I didn’t know was how to relax from the stresses in my life.

So I paid close attention when it was suggested that sometimes people don’t realize when they are stressed, that we all need to pay attention to signs of excess stress and learn how to cope with them.  These were some of the things I heard in the class:  A) tell yourself the stress-causing situation has an end to it.  Things will not always be as hectic as they are at present, B) take time to quiet yourself down and just focus on breathing and nothing more, C) You are a mountain and can stand up to anything,  D) when you are relaxed you are a more formidable opponent than when you are tense,  E) look at life with baby eyes, see things as though for the first time and be in awe of life.

I tried one of the suggestions when I retrieved my lawn mower from the service shop after an inordinate amount of time for its repair.  I calmly told the man I was there to pick up my lawnmower.  My tone and demeanor told him I was serious.  And I calmly went through the whole encounter.

The season we are in can be very hectic.  But underlying it all is the idea of listening to the stories and enjoying times with others.  When we are relaxed we find inner peace to enjoy these special times of our lives.

Posted in Adaptability, Christmas, Contentment, Enjoyment, Fear, Feelings, Focus, Fun, Hannukah, Happiness, Health, Holidays, Kwanzaa, Laughter, Medical, Morale, Peace, Perspective, Quiet Time, Relaxation, Sense of Humor, Sleeplessness, Stress, Thankfulness, Wisdom, Worry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Will It Help To Split Meals Eaten Out?

Posted on December 7, 2012 by richrockwood

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Experience as a Flashlight:  As I move into my senior years, I am learning there is a way to save on food which could be significant.

Most restaurants these days serve portion sizes that are way beyond most appetites.  My step-daughter, for example, ordered meatloaf and was served 5 large pieces along with a heaping pile of potatoes and gravy.  She couldn’t believe it.

When you’re on vacation, and you get a large portion, you are faced with either throwing out the extra food because you really can’t take the leftovers with you (no refrigeration) or stuffing yourself.  Neither option seems good.

When you’re eating out and going home afterward, you don’t want to waste food either.

What my wife and travel we try splitting our meal.  This cuts the cost of the meal in half and eliminates the leftover.  When we’re going home afterward, we order two meals, but then save half of each for a second meal at home.

The bigger picture of course is food not wasted leaves a little bit more in the food supply chain.  That extra meal not ordered will stay in the refrigerator.   This cuts into the profits of the restaurant owner, but if thousands of people start doing this, it may get those owners to reduce the portions to realistic amounts.  And this will put food back into the food supply chain.  Saving food saves money and may even save lives.

Posted in Aging, Contentment, Country, diet, Enjoyment, Feelings, Food, Health, Life, Money, Principles, Priorities, Savings, Thankfulness, weight loss | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

From 9/11 to 12/7

Posted on December 5, 2012 by richrockwood

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Living in the Past:  The terrorist attack of 911 gave every American, old enough to understand, the feeling Americans must have had when Pearl Harbor was attacked December 7, 1941.  We’ll soon mark the 71st anniversary of that surprise attack.

On September 11, 2001 I was on vacation with my wife when news started pouring in of a passenger airline crashing into one of the Twin Towers.  That was followed by reports of a plane crashing into the other tower and a third plane plowing into the Pentagon.  Evil people were attacking our country.  We were no longer secure.  Panic set in.

I have heard similar accounts from Americans who were alive when Pearl Harbor was attacked Sunday December 7, 1941.    The idea behind both attacks was to strike terror into the hearts of people.  It worked for a time.

As a result of both attacks, Americans rose to the challenge.  Any nation will respond with as much fury and power as they can when attacked in this manner.

Years ago, the Catholic Church had a saying “violence begets violence.”  Any violent act will always cause an equally violent response and this starts a vicious cycle of violent reactions.    War is a horrible destructive force unleashed on the victims as well as the perpetrators.  The casualties can be estimated, but what measure is there of personal grief, cost of property destroyed, and mass immigrations.

As Christmas approaches and the image of the Prince of Peace takes center stage again, my prayer is that as a 21st century world we can finally learn other, more productive, less destructive ways of working out our differences than violent attacks on one another.   Will you join me in this prayer?  Jesus said where two or more are joined together in prayer, he will be there.

Posted in Apocalyptic, Country, Evil, Faith, Faithfulness, Fear, Imagination, Life, Military, Peace, Perspective, Prayer, Priorities, Soldier, Suffering, Tasks, Terrorism, War | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Loving that Polka-Dotted Tie

Posted on December 3, 2012 by richrockwood

 

72_dpi_Polka_Dot_2_1024x1024Lessons I Have Learned:  As I mature, I have noticed my priorities changing from gadgets to relationships.  When I was very young, at this time of year, my focus was on what I was going to get for Christmas.  I made sure that all the “important people” knew what I wanted.  Then when I opened my presents Christmas Day, I tore off the wrapping papers while my heart pounded with excitement.  If I got what I wanted, I went miles beyond excited.

As the years passed, I noticed the excitement over things passed as well.  I didn’t get many heart-stopping presents and my haul at the end of the frenzy was quite small.  The focus switched over to the younger ones.  And that was ok.  It was fun watching their reaction as they opened things.  I will never forget my grand daughter’s reaction to a gorgeous little rug she received.  She rolled around on it!

Now, even if I should get a polka-dotted tie my heart is full.  I feel a pleasant warmth because I have my family around me.   Having lost loved ones over the years, I have come to regard quality time with family as much more precious than any gadget.

My perspective goes even further these days.  As I look around the world and see all the areas of chaos and strife, I believe I am looking more and more to the true meaning of Christmas.  I find myself hoping and praying for quality in the relationships of every family on earth and between nations and people of every religion.  What a gift that would be for the world this Christmas.  Am I the only one who wants this?

Posted in Adaptability, Aging, Children, Contentment, Enjoyment, Feelings, Grand children, Happiness, Laughter, Life, love, Materialism, Old Age, Peace, Perspective, Priorities, relationships, Retirement, Thankfulness, Wisdom, Youth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

All That Gray Hair

Posted on November 30, 2012 by richrockwood

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Experience as a Flashlight: I stared at the man in the motel lobby who was talking to some other people.  He was balding and his face had moles, lines, and bumps.  I saw him however as a young man.  Underneath that exterior, I saw a man with a full head of hair, young skin, sharp features and determined chin.  His youth was still there even though his facial parts had changed due to aging.

I now see myself in the same way.  Even though I see gray hair around the temples and in most of my beard, I know that inside I am the same person I have always been.  Oh sure, I have gained some wisdom from the experiences I have been through, but I still have a lot of the same fears and uncertainties I struggled with when I was much younger.  Even though I can’t throw a baseball as hard as I once could, I can vicariously do it through that young man on the pitcher’s mound.  In the same way, I can run as fast as the marathoner on TV (I once ran a 25K race).   Gray hair is just a covering for a lively brain at work inside my head.

So the good news is for young people who look at old age as a bummer, I say that is baloney.  I feel like the old man in the TV Show As Time Goes By “I am on the edge of life’s next great adventure.”  I am just as excited about the future as I was as a youngster.

One of my favorite songs when I was growing up still is:  “Fairy tales can come true, they can happen to you, when you’re young at heart.”

The years will change the outward appearance, but inside we can keep our curiosity and wonder about life just as we did when we were young.

Posted in End of the World, Enjoyment, Famous People, Feelings, Gambling, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Laughter, Legal, Money, Neatness, Nuclear Holocaust, Pleasure, relationships, Sex, Soldier, Tasks, Uncategorized, Weather, Wisdom | 1 Comment

In the Military Service for the Holidays

Posted on November 28, 2012 by richrockwood

Living in the Past:  As I’ve already shared, I was in the US Army during the 1960’s.  One of the things I wondered about when I was away from home was whether the folks back home knew what I was going through for them.

We had to endure early morning drills, shouting drill sergeants, low-crawling in the mud under live rounds from an M-60 machine gun, finding North Korean literature outside our barracks, and being stationed in a foreign land for the holidays.  I wondered if the folks back home appreciated what we were going through for them.

Right now our armed forces are still involved in Afghanistan, the longest war in US history where they are experiencing many firsts:  “This includes participating in the longest war in our history, fighting with an “all volunteer” force, and in many cases, soldiers deploying multiple times. The days of battles fought over a line on a map have passed, giving way to a 360-degree/fourth-dimensional battlefield.” (AnnArbor.com November 13, 2011)  I would be willing to bet that many if not all of those service men and women have wondered from time to time whether we appreciate what they are going through for us.

From my experience I can tell you the hardest part of the experience is being away from family for holidays at this special time of the year.   You miss their faces, the warmth of being together with loved ones while you are in this cold place (for me it was Korea only twelve miles from the DMZ).

It was because of this experience that I came up with the slogan (S)support (O)our (S) service men and women to remind everyone here at home to send a message of love and support to those service men and women who are sacrificing their holidays for us.  Where I lived in New York, we started an organization of people which cut across political divides whose focus was collecting and mailing packages that told those men and women they were not forgotten and we did appreciate their sacrifices on our behalf.

Even though the War in Afghanistan is our longest, it should not dampen our resolve to let them know again and again we greatly appreciate all our armed force personnel.  Is there a service man or woman you know to whom you could support in some way this holiday season?  Let’s not forget them.

Posted in Country, Creativity, Faithfulness, Feelings, Focus, Military, Morale, Patriotism, Perspective, Politics, relationships, Service, Soldier, Volunteerism, War | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Secrets of Thankfulness

Posted on November 26, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons I Have Learned:  A number of years ago, I either heard or came upon this thought that I could expand giving thanks beyond one Thursday a year to all year long.   This idea led me to the idea that the secret to living (and not just talking about) a Christian life was found in thankfulness.  When I was thankful I was able to look for, recognize and acknowledge my blessings before the One who gives them.  This switched my focus and energy from wanting more to contentment with what I already had.

A program in which I participate has a challenge for each person to see if they can identify one hundred things for which they are thankful.    It fosters what they call “an attitude of gratitude.”  It is an interesting challenge which anyone can try.  The end result always seems to be a deeper awareness of the abundant blessings which encompass every one.  From this it seemed that thankfulness need not be confined to the arena of religion.

There was a popular song many years ago that had these lyrics:  “When I’m worried and I can’t sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings.”  I wonder how many others have discovered the power of thankfulness in their lives.

My experience so far has taught me that thankfulness gets me out of the rat race of competition with others.  It gives me the opportunity to take inventory of where I am and what I already have so I can feel good about myself and what I have accomplished.  Beyond that it makes me see in tangible ways how my life is being watched over by a power greater than myself.   This insight shapes and grows the unselfish virtue of thankfulness in my soul.

With such great rewards, why would anyone want to keep thankfulness confined to just one Thursday a year?   Let’s all begin to explore all year long the many secret advantages of a thankful attitude.

Posted in Accomplishment, Contentment, Enjoyment, Feelings, Focus, Happiness, Life, Perspective, Pleasure, Priorities, Quiet Time, relationships, Thankfulness, Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pension Payoff

Posted on November 23, 2012 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight:   When I finally finished my education and settled into earning a living, I was confronted with some big decisions about retirement.  Did I want my employer to withhold Social Security and did I want to set up a retirement account?  I also was pursued by insurance agents who wanted me to start contributing into an insurance annuity.  All those decisions seemed irrelevant to my life that moment.

It’s not that I didn’t think I would ever reach retirement.  It’s just that I was getting settled down into the long haul that would be my job career.  I had lots of bills to pay, a wife and a house to take care of.  There were so many things more immediate for me to concentrate on.

After my divorce I was on my own for awhile, and then after many years married again.  This was a happy marriage and together my wife and I worked towards having a comfortable retirement.  I saw her retire and enjoy herself commenting once “It’s so amazing.  I don’t do any work and at the beginning of the month, an amount of money shows up in my bank account.”  Unfortunately, she passed away before we could spend our retirement as planned.

By then I was beginning to anticipate retirement and eventually switched my investment portfolio from growth to just income.  I wanted to protect my pension as much as possible from risk.

As retirement came within sight, the pension came to the top of my priorities list.  And now, of course, I carefully watch my pension statements each quarter to see how much money is left.  And I take notice when the politicians talk about doing something to Social Security.

What seemed so far off moved too quickly into my present reality.  What I put away all those many years is now coming back to me providing for my material needs while I remain out of the workplace.  It’s a blessing from this vintage point to see how the sacrifices of those early years have paid off in my later years.  For any young person my story illustrates that the future eventually arrives and planning a pension is not just a wise decision, some day it pays off.

Posted in Accomplishment, Aging, Contentment, Enjoyment, Fear, Focus, Happiness, Life, Money, Orderliness, Perseverance, Perspective, Priorities, Retirement, Wisdom, Work | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment