EXPERIENCE AS A FLASHLIGHT:  When I was in my 30’s and my life was in high gear I couldn’t wait until I could retire.  It seemed my life was so busy I never had the time to enjoy things.  I was under the pressure of an 8 to 5 job.  I was paying a mortgage, married and running through my days. I worked in Detroit commuting every day.  I once figured if I worked at the same company until I retired, I would have spent 2 years on the bus going to and coming from work.

When I was in my 40’s and 50’s I had the kind of job that required self-motivation.  I worked at home or in my office next door.  The work was not as demanding, but there were too many meetings at night.  I had to work Sundays.  I was on call 24 hours a day.

It seemed that work was taking too much time and energy.

As I neared retirement, I imagined carefree days of relaxation, having nowhere to be and nothing to do.

I remember noting that I would need to have some kind of focus because I had heard of a number of men who retired and within a year had died.  No focus.  Having nothing to do would be a plan for catastrophe.

I also remember noting that I needed to be careful not to volunteer for too many jobs because a lot of people had shared  “I’m so busy. I don’t know how I ever had time to work.”

I was going to take it easy and NOT volunteer.

As I neared retirement, I began to fear I would die never getting to experience it.

Finally my retirement arrived.  I was ecstatic.  I loved being able to ride my bike around town in the summer while other people were at work.

One morning, however, I woke up thinking “what is my purpose? I don’t have to be anywhere.  I don’t have to accomplish anything.”   I felt hollow and purposeless.

It occurred to me that I needed to find the right balance between things to do and free time.   I gradually picked up some volunteer jobs to fill out my time.  I wrote a book which was a huge project.

In retirement, there have been times of regret that I don’t have a job, not for the money but for the singleness of purpose and discipline.  Even though I know I could not keep up the pace, I miss the focus and discipline a steady job provides.

Retirement is nice.  I can set my own agenda.  I have the freedom to write.  Having a job all those years, however, provided me with a focus and a routine.

I have come to understand that every age of life has it’s challenges and it’s blessings.  The best advice I’ve come across in all my years I heard in the first line of a James Taylor song (“The Secret O’ Life):   “the secret to life is enjoying the passage of time.”