Grades? What Grades?

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Observations About Life:  I went back to seminary later in life.   I was in my forties and retaining information for tests was tedious and at times impossible.  It seemed the harder I worked for a class, the worse grade I received.  In desperation I talked with my mentor.  He said something at the time I considered reactionary, but comforting.  He said “when you get out to your church, the grades you received here are not going to be relevant.” 

I had always believed, because it was what I had been told, that getting good grades in school was THE most important component.  If I didn’t have good grades, I would not do well in life.  Grades were a kind of god dispensing honor and wealth on everyone who worshiped them.

I, of course, found what the professor said was true.  My grades were never discussed in my presence when I applied for different positions.  The interviews were an opportunity to see what my convictions were and what sort of goals and ideas I had for ministry.  The job application process never brought out my grades for consideration.

During the intervening years I have come to see parts of my education as inadequate.  For example I was never exposed to Shakespeare or the history of other countries like China.  I have come to see school curricula as the values of a certain committee doing the best it can to provide each student with the basic tools he or she needs to become a productive part of society.   What students need or wish to learn beyond that is really up to them to obtain.  And for me some of my best learning has occurred outside of school without any pressure to regurgitate information so as to receive a good grade.

Posted in Appreciation, Belief, Bondage, Education, Employment, Feelings, Happiness, Identity, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Personality, Perspective, Priorities, Reality, School grades, Self-Worth, The Past, Work, Worry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Being Bed Bound and Alone (I Need Someone To Care)

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Experience as a Flashlight:    During the winter of 1985, I contracted Hepatitis A virus which spreads when an infected person does not wash his or her hands after using the bathroom and then comes in contact with someone else.  I had spent time around my friend Ron who had eaten at a restaurant where a chef was ill.  The incident was reported to the Center for Disease Control because Hepatitis is a contagious disease.

During the time I was sick I spent three lonesome days in a motel room because no one wanted me near and I had no health insurance.   My skin turned yellow and I had a fever with no energy.  I had nothing to eat until I finally forced myself to go out and buy some grape juice.

I flew back home and stayed in my mother’s apartment (she was in Florida) and slowly recovered.  It seemed like just a painful time until it finally dawned on me why this may have happened.

I was going into the ministry and until that experience I did not comprehend what it felt like to be bed bound and alone.   This incident sensitized me to the needs of hospitalized people and those in nursing home.

While I was in that motel room, my friend John called from a thousand miles away.  He had heard I was sick and called to see if he could do anything.  His words and his tone told me he was upset by what was happening and that he would do anything to help.

Years later a similar thing happened when a fellow clergy person, a woman, showed up in my hospital room to see how I was doing.  She was concerned for me and was a great comfort to me through her visit, words and prayer.

I know someone in a nursing home whom I promised to visit before Christmas and forgot.  As I write this I am trying to put myself back in that motel room so I can recall the feelings of abandonment.  Maybe you also know someone who is bed bound and alone.  Let’s visit them in the next week.  We never know if or when it might be our turn to be bed bound and all alone.   I know from personal experience it is no fun, but a visit from someone makes a large difference and helps heal the hurt.

Posted in Bed-ridden, Claustrophobia, Faithfulness, Feelings, Friends, Grace, Happiness, Healing, Health, Hospital, Identity, Life, love, Medical, mercy, Morale, Perspective, Priorities, relationships, Service, Sickness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Help For Writing (or How I Came to Love Outlining)

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                   My Outline
Theme Sentence:
My life is a blessing
Point One:
These are the blessings of my life
Point Two:
These are the problems of my life
Point Three:
The blessings are more numerous and of greater value

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Lessons from Life:  From my earliest experience with writing a theme paper in High School to writing a new sermon every week I have found it difficult to put my thoughts down in a coherent fashion.  Thoughts flit into my head and out at a pace faster than I can keep up with them.  And most of them are just passionate feelings pouring out from within.

For example, I can start writing on a subject of importance like the need for people to get along with each other.  This could remind me of people who are needy in the world and how we all must do something to help them.  The subject of the world might remind me of the need for all of us to take better care of our planet.  If I just meander through those different topics, as important as they are, my theme paper or sermon will be just a jungle of thoughts.  Listeners will scratch their head and wonder “what’s the point?”

I can still feel the frustration and anxiety I felt as I struggled to put together all my thoughts and exhortations into an organized whole.  I would start writing and let the thoughts lead my writing.  Pretty soon I would stop and say to myself:  “where is this all leading?  What am I trying to say?”  Then I would have to look back at what I had written and try to get the big picture.  Usually it was impossible.

There was a professor in seminary who happened to critique a sermon which was probably the worst I (or anyone else) ever preached.  As we watched the video, he gently pointed out that a sermon is like a sculpture.  If any part of it doesn’t relate to the image I have in mind, then I need to get rid of it even if it is the greatest idea I’ve ever had.  If it doesn’t fit, I need to let it go.

Later, I heard that any sermon’s message should be first summarized into a single theme sentence.  This was helpful, but not as helpful as what I eventually discovered.

Finally, I laid out my sermons in outline form.  I began with a theme sentence which briefly summarized what the entire sermon was saying.  Then I expanded that key idea into a detailed outline which helped establish a logical movement through all the related sub-points I believed I needed to make.

The outline eventually became my friend in laying out whatever presentation I wanted to make in any media whether it was a sermon, an essay, or even a video presentation.   I learned in this way that how I said something was as important as what I had to say.  If I just wrote down a bunch of disconnected ideas, no matter how brilliant, all listeners would eventually tune me out.  If however, my ideas were connected logically, I knew when I began where I was going, what I was going to say, and where I was to end up.    The finished product stood a good chance of being heard (if the content made sense).  What seemed like discipline or boring school stuff actually released the inner muse and made writing enjoyable.  Nowadays outlines are my friend.

Posted in Accomplishment, Aging, Communication, Creativity, Focus, Guidance, Orderliness, Perspective, Writing | Tagged | Leave a comment

A Red Shirt and Orange Pants?!

Orange-Pants

Living in the Past:  All the nuns saw him immediately when he entered school.  He was a classmate of mine and he was wearing a flaming red shirt with brilliant orange pants.  It was back in the days when loud colors were in fashion.  They were, of course, supplemented with white buck shoes.  They were solid white shoes with red soles underneath.

This boy, unfortunately, didn’t realize that, even though he was wearing two items which were in fashion, they didn’t go together.  And the nuns actually sent him home to change.  Bright red with bright orange hurt your eyes when worn together.

There have been countless variations of popular fashions over the years.  I remember desperately wanting a long green coat with a big collar on it because everyone else was wearing one.   I remember thinking my blue jeans were not as good as those the more popular kids were wearing.

This poor boy’s attempt at being accepted by wearing current fashion backfired.  Instead of everyone thinking he was really cool, they thought he was an idiot.  He misused the latest fashion and missed the mark of being cool.

Some of us may be fashion-challenged this way as well.  We don’t quite get the fashions right.  We wear things backwards or put the wrong colors together like blue and brown.   What seemed outrageous back then (red and orange together) has become a lesson I am still learning: fashion alone does not make the man or the woman.

Posted in Acceptance, Clothing, Fashion, Identity, Personality, Perspective, Praise, Priorities, Reality, relationships, Wisdom, Youth | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Resolutions are Not Me!

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Experience as a Flashlight: I can make all the resolutions I want, but they really have no connection with me.    I live in the real world.  Say, for example, I resolve that I am not going to eat any cookies during all of 2013 or I am going to lose 15 pounds this year.  Wow!  That sounds so good and makes me feel like I am a really good person with great aspirations for self-improvement.  However, to make those resolutions a reality, they need to penetrate my will which is not that easy.

I can say I am not going to do something, but the true test comes in the moment I am deciding to go ahead with it or not.  Then, all kinds of other thoughts can become part of the debate (eg I really want to do that.  I don’t feel like doing this).  Too often these feelings have voices much louder than the resolutions written in a diary or a blog somewhere.  Resolutions have no little or no connection with me in my life.

Furthermore, resolutions make a huge assumption about the future, mainly that I will have one.  Who knows?  I only have this present moment to be who I would like to be.  The past doesn’t have to control it.  The future goals don’t have to weigh me down.

Where the real action takes place is in my will in any given moment.  In the twelve step programs they have a slogan which says “one day at a time.”  That sounds good, but I actually prefer “one moment at a time.”  This  moment is all I ever have in which to think and act.  I want to do all those things which will improve my character, but the only way I can reach them is by baby steps taken right now using any grace that comes from God and from others.

Posted in Accomplishment, Adaptability, Belief, Bondage, Courage, Feelings, Focus, Food, Habitual Sin, Health, Life, Morale, New Year, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Perspective, Priorities, Reality, Resolutions, Stress, The Past | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My First Hippie

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Living in the Past:  In my mind’s eye I can still see him.  He had long, uncombed hair that almost touched his shoulders.  He had thick dark framed glasses which stood out against his haystack of hair.  He was wearing a plaid shirt, faded blue jeans and no shoes.  After he sat down, he put his dirty feet up on the table for everyone to see.

The year was 1963 and I was viewing my first Hippie.  He didn’t seem the least bit interested in his appearance.  I was relieved he had not chosen to sit next to me because I imagined he probably had quite a ripe odor emanating from an unwashed body.

This was the beginning of the clash of traditional college values of cleanliness and fashion against revolution that rocked the 1960’s.  At first, I was shocked and unable to understand or sympathize with the hippie movement.

Later, my views softened a bit as I sympathized with the anti-Vietnam war sentiments spread over so many college campuses.  Eventually I let my hair grow a bit and added sideburns.

Over the years I have seen other fashion trends explode with young people and in some instances disappear almost as rapidly as they arrived.  Trends seem to come and go.   What is more important, and this topic actually came up in college, is that we (I) learn to get past outward trends and look for and relate to the inner person.

I am still working on it with so many people wearing tattoos and/or showing body piercings these days.   And I wish the young men would buy pants that stayed up and young girls covered their midsections.  Regardless of how I am put off by someone’s appearance, I believe along with everyone else, we all have the intelligence and personal virtues to discover the human soul residing beneath.  The good news is that eventually functionality overtakes fad.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Communication, Country, Creativity, Feelings, Focus, Hippie Movement, Laughter, Letting Go, Life, Memory, Peace, Perspective, Politics, Reality, relationships, Stress, The Past, War | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Past is Past

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Lessons from Life:  No one has yet invented a time machine that will allow us to travel forward or backwards in time.  I doubt they ever will because, as I understand it, you have to exceed the speed of light to slow down or reverse time.

Quite awhile ago I had a strong feeling of regret that I could not go back in time as I watched the movie “The Graduate.”  That movie was the definitive statement for thousands of young people like myself in the late 1960’s caught in the tangle of confused feelings about adulthood and relationships.   As I watched it again twenty plus years forward of those feelings, I felt a sudden ache to go back and re-live them.  It was painful to realize again that you can never go back to the past.  Once we go through a moment in time, it fades into a memory.

As I write these words, we in the Eastern Time Zone of the United States are only about eight hours away from a brand new year.  My wife and I are planning to bring in the new year at a church concert.  This will be quite different from my new year’s eve experiences of the past when I was looking for some fantastic experience to lift me to some emotional height.

If we look at the year that is passing, we may be tempted to look back with longing and wish we could re-live some parts of it again.    As we do, we have to acknowledge again that the best way we can re-live those parts  is through looking at our diary entries.  This helps recall details that would otherwise slip away.  It also helps recall some of the feelings we had as we went through them.

I really don’t think I would use a time machine if one were ever invented.  Once through my life is going to be enough.  I do however like to treasure those special moments like the Christmas three years ago when I proposed to my current wife.  She took her time in replying but she eventually said “yes” and made my life complete.

Posted in Aging, Appreciation, Enjoyment, Feelings, Gifts, Happiness, Holidays, Life, love, Memory, Principles, Reality, relationships, The Past, Time, Wisdom, Youth | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dealing with Loss At Christmas

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Experience as a Flashlight:  The woman was beside herself with grief.  It was only a few months since her husband had died.  She was not looking forward to Christmas.  How could she deal with that loss at Christmas when the whole family would gather together and his absence would loom over everything?

I saw her regularly at the gym so, from time to time, I asked her if she had yet come up with a plan.  Finally she told me she had.  She was going to put all the mementos of his life (eg pictures, love letters, souvenirs from trips) together in an album which she would show the kids at Christmas.  It would bring back memories which would help fill his physical absence.

I saw her after Christmas and she seemed at peace.  Things had gone well she said.     And preparing the album had given her focus during the difficult time of settling into a new routine without him.

For the first few years after my wife’s death, I lit a candle to remind me that she was still present in my memory.  My grief support group had suggested it.  They stressed the necessity of finding a ritual during the holidays which honors their memory in a tangible way.

Christmas can be a time when we feel the loss of loved ones more intensely than at other times of the year.  Rather than pretending we are getting on with our lives, it seems more helpful to acknowledge the loss of special people and celebrate them.  They were an important part of our lives and meaning-filled rituals help us express that fact and are emotionally satisfying as well.

Posted in Appreciation, Christmas, Courage, Creativity, Fear, Feelings, Focus, Grief, Health, Holidays, Letting Go, Life, love, Memory, relationships, Suffering, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Best Gifts I Already Have

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Lessons from Life:  There is a proverb which says “the best things in life are free.”  Actually that is the title to a song.  These are some of the words in the song recorded by Frank Sinatra.

The moon belongs to everyone
The best things in life they’re free
Stars belong to everyone
They cling there for you and for me

The song was written by “B.G. DeSylva, Lew Brown, and Ray Henderson for the musical ‘Good News’ which opened on September 6, 1927 in the 46th Street Theater in New York City” (http://www.econedlink.org/lessons/index.php?lid=17&type=student)

To see our lives as already gifted with the best things in life conflicts with the mood of this season when our thoughts are turned by advertisements and greeting cards to desire.  If we are very young our thoughts are on toys we believe will make us eternally happy.  If we are older our thoughts are on family and friends we either have or don’t have in our life.  It is only natural to compare our lives with the ideals portrayed in the media and wish they could be more.

I would like to inject a radical thought into all this commotion for more.  The best gifts we could ever want are ones we already have.  If we are healthy and can get around, that is a gift thousands confined to beds wished they had.  If we have eyes to behold the earth freshly covered with pure white snow crystals, there are countless people who have never seen such a wondrous sight.  If we have the ability to breathe in fresh air on a crisp Autumn afternoon surely this is a wonder-filled gift for which we paid nothing.

What is the value of a scene in which puffy clouds are outlined by rays of white streaming from the sun behind them moments before sunset?  What should someone be charged to watch a hawk soaring lazily in the summer sky?  What should the admission fee be to look at a tree in Springtime flourishing with white buds.

There are many things of value in life, but this holiday season let’s not overlook the best gifts, the ones we already have, for which we paid nothing.

Posted in Acceptance, Appreciation, Christmas, Creation, Enjoyment, Focus, Happiness, Holidays, Life, Materialism, Money, Nature, Peace, Perspective, Pleasure, Praise, Priorities, Relaxation, Thankfulness, Weather, Worry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Only Sleeping

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Experience as a Flashlight 

“I’m Only Sleeping”  (Beatles)

When I wake up early in the morning
Lift my head, I’m still yawning
When I’m in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)

Please, don’t wake me, no, don’t shake me
Leave me where I am – I’m only sleeping

The clock’s numbers seemed frozen in time.  My staring didn’t  help.  I couldn’t get back to sleep and I didn’t know what to do with myself.   I thought about the next day and how hard it would be to make it through.  I would probably have a dull headache.  My brain wouldn’t function at full capacity.  I would go through the day in a daze.

During other sleepless nights I have tried to outsmart the sleeplessness.  I tell myself “as long as I can’t get to sleep, I might as well do some work.”  While thinking about what I could be doing, I usually fall back to sleep.  Other times I have thought about all the people who need my prayers and after starting down my list, the next thing I know it is morning.

Sometimes I have tried wearing myself out doing push-ups until I dropped.  This seemed to release any anxiety and tension and I usually fell back to sleep rather quickly.

The experts at a local sleep clinic had me for one night and told me I had a slight case of sleep apnea and a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) device would probably help.  I endured long lectures on how to use the device, but in the end I had to return it because I kept tearing it off during the night, not to mention scaring myself when I got up to use the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

Nowadays I use a little strip that opens up air passage into my nostrils.  This plus a cold glass of water and a couple of Tylenol tablets help me most days.  If that doesn’t work, I know the last thing that will work is staring at the clock.  That just adds to the frustration.  There are things I can do to help myself in this as well as many other difficulties in life.   If all else fails, I can pray.  That seems to tamp down exasperation faster than anything.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Aging, Creativity, Exercise, Focus, Health, Letting Go, Life, Medical, Night, Peace, Perspective, Relaxation, Retirement, Sleeplessness, Stress, Trust, Worry | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment