Rich Rockwood, Christian Author

Always Show the People You Love How You Feel

Posted on December 19, 2012 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: Ever since I can remember, I worried that if I ever found someone who loved me they would be taken away. That was my biggest fear. I had seen it in movies. I experienced it on an internship in a Chaplain’s Office over-identifying with a man whose wife had died in a car crash. It was my greatest fear. It happened to me in April of 2006.

By then, however, I had come to realize I could not hold my wife forever. Every time she walked out the door, I could do nothing to protect her. So I came to an interesting conclusion. I decided since I could not hold her in my life, at least I could let her know how I felt about her. I decided I would always kiss her and say “I love you” whenever we parted. This way, if it should ever happen, at least she would know how I felt and I would know how she felt. She always reciprocated my words and actions.

The day she died from a brain aneurysm, I could have just waved to her from a distance and feign a kiss from across the parking lot. Instead I walked over to her car and kissed her through the window, just like the first time. I told her I loved her. That was the last time I saw her alive. Today, as I think back on our relationship I can smile knowing at the last moment we were together we expressed our love to each other.

Ever since that moment, this has been my way of dealing with the possibility of loss. I strive to make sure my loved ones know how I feel. In his song “The Secret O’ Life” James Taylor has these lyrics: “Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.”

We cannot always protect our precious loved ones. We can, however, make sure they know we love them. I hope you never go through the loss of a loved one, but if you always tell them how you feel and it happens to you, at least you will know in the material world your relationship was on the highest plane humanly possible.

It is six years afterward and I still feel at ease about how Inga and I parted company.

Posted in Communication, Fear, Feelings, Forgiveness, love, relationships | Tagged Fear, Forgiveness, Love, Relationships, Spouse | 3 Comments

I Am An Optimist and a Pessimist

Posted on December 17, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons I Have Learned: I suspect the notion that life has it’s ups and downs came as a surprise to me. I am the kind of person that likes things to be positive and happy. I guess that makes me an optimist. My late wife always said she was a pessimist, a person who looks on the bad side of things. I remember her telling me she had read an article which said that being a pessimist was better because if things turned out better than you expected, it would be a plus. And if they never did, you could always claim you were right.

I have come to see both good and bad things happen. Life has up times as well as down times. They just come as part of the ebb and flow of life. As one who tends to run from trials, I have come to see they are not cruel and unusual in any sense of those words. They are simply part of the rhythm of life.

What helped me see things better was a section from the biblical book of Ecclesiastes the third chapter, verses one through five (ESV)
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

Ironically, or maybe not, this was my late wife’s favorite section of the whole Bible. It made her cry.

All good things seem to have their corresponding bad things too. Every great experience is usually followed by a time of trial.

It is helpful, I believe, instead of deciding to be either positive or negative in outlook, to realize that good and bad things happen. They seem to be part of life. Judgmentalism only makes them worse than they need to be.

There once was a man whose favorite verse in the Bible was “It came…..to pass.” He saw that line as a promise that all trials came his way with the purpose of eventually passing away. There is a time for everything. Life has rhythm to it. I’ve learned that the best way to respond to life is to accept it.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Appreciation, Contentment, Courage, Faith, Fear, Focus, Grief, Holidays, Letting Go, Life, Nature, Perseverance, Perspective, Stress, Suffering, Trust, Worry | Tagged Appreciation, current-events, Enjoyment, Gifts, Grief, Identity, Life, Loss, Perseverance, Quiet Time, Renewal, Stress, Suffering, Trust, Worry | Leave a comment

Don’t Change a Thing for Me

Posted on December 14, 2012 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight: When my wife Inga died, I had lots of memories of her. One of the endearing things about her was she loved singing “My Funny Valentine” for anyone who would listen on her birthday. Her birthday was two days before Valentine’s Day. One of the lines in the song is: “Don’t change a hair for me, not if you care for me. Stay little valentine stay. Each day is Valentine’s Day.” Inga belted it badly. What she lacked in tone, she made up for with sentiment.

I have been blessed since then to meet and marry an acquaintance from many years ago. That wife-shaped vacuum has been filled and I am learning this truth once again. When I notice my wife doing things differently, I am reminded that I have someone in my life again. And the last thing I want or need to try and do is change even the smallest thing about her. I find those differences are strong reminders that I am in a relationship, that I am no longer alone.

I guess the point today is that the most enjoyment we can have in a relationship is when we realize we cannot and in fact need not change a thing about our partner. Each day can be Valentine Day.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Appreciation, Feelings, Happiness, love, Perspective, relationships, Thankfulness | Tagged Acceptance, Appreciation, Identity, Love | Leave a comment

To Grandmother’s House We Go

Posted on December 12, 2012 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: Back when I was growing up, it was always a treat to go to grandmother’s house. One of my earliest memories of her is being in a park somewhere together feeding bread crumbs to ducks. It was thrilling and I suspect may have something to do with my lifelong fascination with ducks. If I’m not mistaken Grandma also had some nice treats for us as well.

Grandma lived in Lansing, Michigan which was also home for many years to the production plant for Oldsmobiles. Named after Ransom E. Olds, the Olds Motor Works was founded in 1897 and over its 107 year history manufactured 35.2million cars. It was 12 years ago today that Oldsmobile began phasing out its operations. Fortunately, grandma didn’t have to see that. Grandma passed away in November of 1980.

Life teaches us we have to let go of precious things. We get other gifts in their place. I became a step grandfather back in 1993 to a beautiful baby girl named Alexandra Elizabeth, who today is a competent, intelligent, and beautiful woman. I would love to see her more often than I do, but that only makes the time I do so much more precious. This makes me think of the man who found perspective after losing much more than I ever have “and said: ‘We bring nothing at birth; we take nothing with us at death. The LORD alone gives and takes. Praise the name of the LORD!” Job 1:21 (CEV)

I have seen many good people and experiences come into my life and then leave after a time. I keep learning it is best to not see them as mine, but rather as gifts for only a little while.

Posted in Aging, Contentment, Courage, Enjoyment, Famous People, Feelings, Focus, Gifts, Grand children, Grandmothers, Grandparents, Happiness, Letting Go, Life, love, Memory, Old Age, Perspective, relationships, Thankfulness, Uncategorized | Tagged Aging, Children, Gifts, Identity, Life, Memories, Retirement | Leave a comment

Relax!

Posted on December 10, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons I’ve Learned: Back in 1994 on a Sunday afternoon, I thought I was having a heart attack. I had a meeting to host in a short while and I started feeling something strange in my chest. I felt my heart was acting weird. I felt bloated in my stomach. I thought I was going to pass out. Panicked, I had my wife drive me to the emergency room where I was admitted under the category of “rule out a heart attack.” They hooked me up with countless wires and by the next day informed me it was not a heart attack. I had had an “anxiety attack” which can mimic a heart attack.

In my follow up appointment with my physician, he recommended I find a counselor or therapist so I could better handle the stresses of my life. I ended up taking a course on relaxation, which seemed almost humorous at first.

All my life, I thought, I had excelled at relaxation. I loved times of relaxation. My problem, I thought, was not a failure to relax, it was finding the motivation to get my work done. The anxiety attack proved me wrong. It proved I knew how to get worked up over projects. What I didn’t know was how to relax from the stresses in my life.

So I paid close attention when it was suggested that sometimes people don’t realize when they are stressed, that we all need to pay attention to signs of excess stress and learn how to cope with them. These were some of the things I heard in the class: A) tell yourself the stress-causing situation has an end to it. Things will not always be as hectic as they are at present, B) take time to quiet yourself down and just focus on breathing and nothing more, C) You are a mountain and can stand up to anything, D) when you are relaxed you are a more formidable opponent than when you are tense, E) look at life with baby eyes, see things as though for the first time and be in awe of life.

I tried one of the suggestions when I retrieved my lawn mower from the service shop after an inordinate amount of time for its repair. I calmly told the man I was there to pick up my lawnmower. My tone and demeanor told him I was serious. And I calmly went through the whole encounter.

The season we are in can be very hectic. But underlying it all is the idea of listening to the stories and enjoying times with others. When we are relaxed we find inner peace to enjoy these special times of our lives.

Posted in Adaptability, Christmas, Contentment, Enjoyment, Fear, Feelings, Focus, Fun, Hannukah, Happiness, Health, Holidays, Kwanzaa, Laughter, Medical, Morale, Peace, Perspective, Quiet Time, Relaxation, Sense of Humor, Sleeplessness, Stress, Thankfulness, Wisdom, Worry | Tagged attitude towards work, Christmas, current-events, Enjoyment, Fun, Hannukah, Holidays, Kwanzaa, Perseverance, Prayer, Quiet Time, Relaxation, Renewal, Stress, Trust, Worry | 1 Comment

Will It Help To Split Meals Eaten Out?

Posted on December 7, 2012 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight: As I move into my senior years, I am learning there is a way to save on food which could be significant.

Most restaurants these days serve portion sizes that are way beyond most appetites. My step-daughter, for example, ordered meatloaf and was served 5 large pieces along with a heaping pile of potatoes and gravy. She couldn’t believe it.

When you’re on vacation, and you get a large portion, you are faced with either throwing out the extra food because you really can’t take the leftovers with you (no refrigeration) or stuffing yourself. Neither option seems good.

When you’re eating out and going home afterward, you don’t want to waste food either.

What my wife and travel we try splitting our meal. This cuts the cost of the meal in half and eliminates the leftover. When we’re going home afterward, we order two meals, but then save half of each for a second meal at home.

The bigger picture of course is food not wasted leaves a little bit more in the food supply chain. That extra meal not ordered will stay in the refrigerator. This cuts into the profits of the restaurant owner, but if thousands of people start doing this, it may get those owners to reduce the portions to realistic amounts. And this will put food back into the food supply chain. Saving food saves money and may even save lives.

Posted in Aging, Contentment, Country, diet, Enjoyment, Feelings, Food, Health, Life, Money, Principles, Priorities, Savings, Thankfulness, weight loss | Tagged Aging, Enjoyment, overeating, Principles, Saving Money | 1 Comment

From 9/11 to 12/7

Posted on December 5, 2012 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: The terrorist attack of 911 gave every American, old enough to understand, the feeling Americans must have had when Pearl Harbor was attacked December 7, 1941. We’ll soon mark the 71st anniversary of that surprise attack.

On September 11, 2001 I was on vacation with my wife when news started pouring in of a passenger airline crashing into one of the Twin Towers. That was followed by reports of a plane crashing into the other tower and a third plane plowing into the Pentagon. Evil people were attacking our country. We were no longer secure. Panic set in.

I have heard similar accounts from Americans who were alive when Pearl Harbor was attacked Sunday December 7, 1941. The idea behind both attacks was to strike terror into the hearts of people. It worked for a time.

As a result of both attacks, Americans rose to the challenge. Any nation will respond with as much fury and power as they can when attacked in this manner.

Years ago, the Catholic Church had a saying “violence begets violence.” Any violent act will always cause an equally violent response and this starts a vicious cycle of violent reactions. War is a horrible destructive force unleashed on the victims as well as the perpetrators. The casualties can be estimated, but what measure is there of personal grief, cost of property destroyed, and mass immigrations.

As Christmas approaches and the image of the Prince of Peace takes center stage again, my prayer is that as a 21st century world we can finally learn other, more productive, less destructive ways of working out our differences than violent attacks on one another. Will you join me in this prayer? Jesus said where two or more are joined together in prayer, he will be there.

Posted in Apocalyptic, Country, Evil, Faith, Faithfulness, Fear, Imagination, Life, Military, Peace, Perspective, Prayer, Priorities, Soldier, Suffering, Tasks, Terrorism, War | Tagged current-events, Fear, Forgiveness, Perseverance, politics, Prayer, Quiet Time, Renewal, Suffering, Terror, Trust | Leave a comment

Loving that Polka-Dotted Tie

Posted on December 3, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons I Have Learned: As I mature, I have noticed my priorities changing from gadgets to relationships. When I was very young, at this time of year, my focus was on what I was going to get for Christmas. I made sure that all the “important people” knew what I wanted. Then when I opened my presents Christmas Day, I tore off the wrapping papers while my heart pounded with excitement. If I got what I wanted, I went miles beyond excited.

As the years passed, I noticed the excitement over things passed as well. I didn’t get many heart-stopping presents and my haul at the end of the frenzy was quite small. The focus switched over to the younger ones. And that was ok. It was fun watching their reaction as they opened things. I will never forget my grand daughter’s reaction to a gorgeous little rug she received. She rolled around on it!

Now, even if I should get a polka-dotted tie my heart is full. I feel a pleasant warmth because I have my family around me. Having lost loved ones over the years, I have come to regard quality time with family as much more precious than any gadget.

My perspective goes even further these days. As I look around the world and see all the areas of chaos and strife, I believe I am looking more and more to the true meaning of Christmas. I find myself hoping and praying for quality in the relationships of every family on earth and between nations and people of every religion. What a gift that would be for the world this Christmas. Am I the only one who wants this?

Posted in Adaptability, Aging, Children, Contentment, Enjoyment, Feelings, Grand children, Happiness, Laughter, Life, love, Materialism, Old Age, Peace, Perspective, Priorities, relationships, Retirement, Thankfulness, Wisdom, Youth | Tagged Aging, Children, Comparison, Enjoyment, Fun, Identity, Retirement, Self Worth, Stress, Trust | 1 Comment

All That Gray Hair

Posted on November 30, 2012 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight: I stared at the man in the motel lobby who was talking to some other people. He was balding and his face had moles, lines, and bumps. I saw him however as a young man. Underneath that exterior, I saw a man with a full head of hair, young skin, sharp features and determined chin. His youth was still there even though his facial parts had changed due to aging.

I now see myself in the same way. Even though I see gray hair around the temples and in most of my beard, I know that inside I am the same person I have always been. Oh sure, I have gained some wisdom from the experiences I have been through, but I still have a lot of the same fears and uncertainties I struggled with when I was much younger. Even though I can’t throw a baseball as hard as I once could, I can vicariously do it through that young man on the pitcher’s mound. In the same way, I can run as fast as the marathoner on TV (I once ran a 25K race). Gray hair is just a covering for a lively brain at work inside my head.

So the good news is for young people who look at old age as a bummer, I say that is baloney. I feel like the old man in the TV Show As Time Goes By “I am on the edge of life’s next great adventure.” I am just as excited about the future as I was as a youngster.

One of my favorite songs when I was growing up still is: “Fairy tales can come true, they can happen to you, when you’re young at heart.”

The years will change the outward appearance, but inside we can keep our curiosity and wonder about life just as we did when we were young.

Posted in End of the World, Enjoyment, Famous People, Feelings, Gambling, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, Laughter, Legal, Money, Neatness, Nuclear Holocaust, Pleasure, relationships, Sex, Soldier, Tasks, Uncategorized, Weather, Wisdom | 1 Comment

In the Military Service for the Holidays

Posted on November 28, 2012 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: As I’ve already shared, I was in the US Army during the 1960’s. One of the things I wondered about when I was away from home was whether the folks back home knew what I was going through for them.

We had to endure early morning drills, shouting drill sergeants, low-crawling in the mud under live rounds from an M-60 machine gun, finding North Korean literature outside our barracks, and being stationed in a foreign land for the holidays. I wondered if the folks back home appreciated what we were going through for them.

Right now our armed forces are still involved in Afghanistan, the longest war in US history where they are experiencing many firsts: “This includes participating in the longest war in our history, fighting with an “all volunteer” force, and in many cases, soldiers deploying multiple times. The days of battles fought over a line on a map have passed, giving way to a 360-degree/fourth-dimensional battlefield.” (AnnArbor.com November 13, 2011) I would be willing to bet that many if not all of those service men and women have wondered from time to time whether we appreciate what they are going through for us.

From my experience I can tell you the hardest part of the experience is being away from family for holidays at this special time of the year. You miss their faces, the warmth of being together with loved ones while you are in this cold place (for me it was Korea only twelve miles from the DMZ).

It was because of this experience that I came up with the slogan (S)support (O)our (S) service men and women to remind everyone here at home to send a message of love and support to those service men and women who are sacrificing their holidays for us. Where I lived in New York, we started an organization of people which cut across political divides whose focus was collecting and mailing packages that told those men and women they were not forgotten and we did appreciate their sacrifices on our behalf.

Even though the War in Afghanistan is our longest, it should not dampen our resolve to let them know again and again we greatly appreciate all our armed force personnel. Is there a service man or woman you know to whom you could support in some way this holiday season? Let’s not forget them.

Posted in Country, Creativity, Faithfulness, Feelings, Focus, Military, Morale, Patriotism, Perspective, Politics, relationships, Service, Soldier, Volunteerism, War | Tagged Country, Courage, current-events, Holidays, Liberty, Perseverance, politics, Self Worth, Suffering | Leave a comment