Rich Rockwood, Christian Author

Help For Writing (or How I Came to Love Outlining)

Posted on January 9, 2013 by richrockwood

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My Outline
Theme Sentence: My life is a blessing
Point One: These are the blessings of my life
Point Two: These are the problems of my life
Point Three: The blessings are more numerous and of greater value

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Lessons from Life: From my earliest experience with writing a theme paper in High School to writing a new sermon every week I have found it difficult to put my thoughts down in a coherent fashion. Thoughts flit into my head and out at a pace faster than I can keep up with them. And most of them are just passionate feelings pouring out from within.

For example, I can start writing on a subject of importance like the need for people to get along with each other. This could remind me of people who are needy in the world and how we all must do something to help them. The subject of the world might remind me of the need for all of us to take better care of our planet. If I just meander through those different topics, as important as they are, my theme paper or sermon will be just a jungle of thoughts. Listeners will scratch their head and wonder “what’s the point?”

I can still feel the frustration and anxiety I felt as I struggled to put together all my thoughts and exhortations into an organized whole. I would start writing and let the thoughts lead my writing. Pretty soon I would stop and say to myself: “where is this all leading? What am I trying to say?” Then I would have to look back at what I had written and try to get the big picture. Usually it was impossible.

There was a professor in seminary who happened to critique a sermon which was probably the worst I (or anyone else) ever preached. As we watched the video, he gently pointed out that a sermon is like a sculpture. If any part of it doesn’t relate to the image I have in mind, then I need to get rid of it even if it is the greatest idea I’ve ever had. If it doesn’t fit, I need to let it go.

Later, I heard that any sermon’s message should be first summarized into a single theme sentence. This was helpful, but not as helpful as what I eventually discovered.

Finally, I laid out my sermons in outline form. I began with a theme sentence which briefly summarized what the entire sermon was saying. Then I expanded that key idea into a detailed outline which helped establish a logical movement through all the related sub-points I believed I needed to make.

The outline eventually became my friend in laying out whatever presentation I wanted to make in any media whether it was a sermon, an essay, or even a video presentation. I learned in this way that how I said something was as important as what I had to say. If I just wrote down a bunch of disconnected ideas, no matter how brilliant, all listeners would eventually tune me out. If however, my ideas were connected logically, I knew when I began where I was going, what I was going to say, and where I was to end up. The finished product stood a good chance of being heard (if the content made sense). What seemed like discipline or boring school stuff actually released the inner muse and made writing enjoyable. Nowadays outlines are my friend.

Posted in Accomplishment, Aging, Communication, Creativity, Focus, Guidance, Orderliness, Perspective, Writing | Tagged Writing | Leave a comment

A Red Shirt and Orange Pants?!

Posted on January 7, 2013 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: All the nuns saw him immediately when he entered school. He was a classmate of mine and he was wearing a flaming red shirt with brilliant orange pants. It was back in the days when loud colors were in fashion. They were, of course, supplemented with white buck shoes. They were solid white shoes with red soles underneath.

This boy, unfortunately, didn’t realize that, even though he was wearing two items which were in fashion, they didn’t go together. And the nuns actually sent him home to change. Bright red with bright orange hurt your eyes when worn together.

There have been countless variations of popular fashions over the years. I remember desperately wanting a long green coat with a big collar on it because everyone else was wearing one. I remember thinking my blue jeans were not as good as those the more popular kids were wearing.

This poor boy’s attempt at being accepted by wearing current fashion backfired. Instead of everyone thinking he was really cool, they thought he was an idiot. He misused the latest fashion and missed the mark of being cool.

Some of us may be fashion-challenged this way as well. We don’t quite get the fashions right. We wear things backwards or put the wrong colors together like blue and brown. What seemed outrageous back then (red and orange together) has become a lesson I am still learning: fashion alone does not make the man or the woman.

Posted in Acceptance, Clothing, Fashion, Identity, Personality, Perspective, Praise, Priorities, Reality, relationships, Wisdom, Youth | Tagged Appreciation, Clothing, Comparison, Fashion, Identity, Popularity, Self Worth | 2 Comments

Resolutions are Not Me!

Posted on January 4, 2013 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight: I can make all the resolutions I want, but they really have no connection with me. I live in the real world. Say, for example, I resolve that I am not going to eat any cookies during all of 2013 or I am going to lose 15 pounds this year. Wow! That sounds so good and makes me feel like I am a really good person with great aspirations for self-improvement. However, to make those resolutions a reality, they need to penetrate my will which is not that easy.

I can say I am not going to do something, but the true test comes in the moment I am deciding to go ahead with it or not. Then, all kinds of other thoughts can become part of the debate (eg I really want to do that. I don’t feel like doing this). Too often these feelings have voices much louder than the resolutions written in a diary or a blog somewhere. Resolutions have no little or no connection with me in my life.

Furthermore, resolutions make a huge assumption about the future, mainly that I will have one. Who knows? I only have this present moment to be who I would like to be. The past doesn’t have to control it. The future goals don’t have to weigh me down.

Where the real action takes place is in my will in any given moment. In the twelve step programs they have a slogan which says “one day at a time.” That sounds good, but I actually prefer “one moment at a time.” This moment is all I ever have in which to think and act. I want to do all those things which will improve my character, but the only way I can reach them is by baby steps taken right now using any grace that comes from God and from others.

Posted in Accomplishment, Adaptability, Belief, Bondage, Courage, Feelings, Focus, Food, Habitual Sin, Health, Life, Morale, New Year, Perfectionism, Perseverance, Perspective, Priorities, Reality, Resolutions, Stress, The Past | Tagged Aging, Appreciation, current-events, Life, Perseverance, Principles, Renewal, Self Worth, Surrender, Trust | 1 Comment

My First Hippie

Posted on January 2, 2013 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: In my mind’s eye I can still see him. He had long, uncombed hair that almost touched his shoulders. He had thick dark framed glasses which stood out against his haystack of hair. He was wearing a plaid shirt, faded blue jeans and no shoes. After he sat down, he put his dirty feet up on the table for everyone to see.

The year was 1963 and I was viewing my first Hippie. He didn’t seem the least bit interested in his appearance. I was relieved he had not chosen to sit next to me because I imagined he probably had quite a ripe odor emanating from an unwashed body.

This was the beginning of the clash of traditional college values of cleanliness and fashion against revolution that rocked the 1960’s. At first, I was shocked and unable to understand or sympathize with the hippie movement.

Later, my views softened a bit as I sympathized with the anti-Vietnam war sentiments spread over so many college campuses. Eventually I let my hair grow a bit and added sideburns.

Over the years I have seen other fashion trends explode with young people and in some instances disappear almost as rapidly as they arrived. Trends seem to come and go. What is more important, and this topic actually came up in college, is that we (I) learn to get past outward trends and look for and relate to the inner person.

I am still working on it with so many people wearing tattoos and/or showing body piercings these days. And I wish the young men would buy pants that stayed up and young girls covered their midsections. Regardless of how I am put off by someone’s appearance, I believe along with everyone else, we all have the intelligence and personal virtues to discover the human soul residing beneath. The good news is that eventually functionality overtakes fad.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Communication, Country, Creativity, Feelings, Focus, Hippie Movement, Laughter, Letting Go, Life, Memory, Peace, Perspective, Politics, Reality, relationships, Stress, The Past, War | Tagged Acceptance, Anti War Movement, artistic expressions, current-events, Fear, Hippies, Relationships | Leave a comment

The Past is Past

Posted on December 31, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons from Life: No one has yet invented a time machine that will allow us to travel forward or backwards in time. I doubt they ever will because, as I understand it, you have to exceed the speed of light to slow down or reverse time.

Quite awhile ago I had a strong feeling of regret that I could not go back in time as I watched the movie “The Graduate.” That movie was the definitive statement for thousands of young people like myself in the late 1960’s caught in the tangle of confused feelings about adulthood and relationships. As I watched it again twenty plus years forward of those feelings, I felt a sudden ache to go back and re-live them. It was painful to realize again that you can never go back to the past. Once we go through a moment in time, it fades into a memory.

As I write these words, we in the Eastern Time Zone of the United States are only about eight hours away from a brand new year. My wife and I are planning to bring in the new year at a church concert. This will be quite different from my new year’s eve experiences of the past when I was looking for some fantastic experience to lift me to some emotional height.

If we look at the year that is passing, we may be tempted to look back with longing and wish we could re-live some parts of it again. As we do, we have to acknowledge again that the best way we can re-live those parts is through looking at our diary entries. This helps recall details that would otherwise slip away. It also helps recall some of the feelings we had as we went through them.

I really don’t think I would use a time machine if one were ever invented. Once through my life is going to be enough. I do however like to treasure those special moments like the Christmas three years ago when I proposed to my current wife. She took her time in replying but she eventually said “yes” and made my life complete.

Posted in Aging, Appreciation, Enjoyment, Feelings, Gifts, Happiness, Holidays, Life, love, Memory, Principles, Reality, relationships, The Past, Time, Wisdom, Youth | Tagged Aging, Appreciation, Forgiveness, Life, Past, Perseverance, Quiet Time, Relationships, Time | Leave a comment

Dealing with Loss At Christmas

Posted on December 28, 2012 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight: The woman was beside herself with grief. It was only a few months since her husband had died. She was not looking forward to Christmas. How could she deal with that loss at Christmas when the whole family would gather together and his absence would loom over everything?

I saw her regularly at the gym so, from time to time, I asked her if she had yet come up with a plan. Finally she told me she had. She was going to put all the mementos of his life (eg pictures, love letters, souvenirs from trips) together in an album which she would show the kids at Christmas. It would bring back memories which would help fill his physical absence.

I saw her after Christmas and she seemed at peace. Things had gone well she said. And preparing the album had given her focus during the difficult time of settling into a new routine without him.

For the first few years after my wife’s death, I lit a candle to remind me that she was still present in my memory. My grief support group had suggested it. They stressed the necessity of finding a ritual during the holidays which honors their memory in a tangible way.

Christmas can be a time when we feel the loss of loved ones more intensely than at other times of the year. Rather than pretending we are getting on with our lives, it seems more helpful to acknowledge the loss of special people and celebrate them. They were an important part of our lives and meaning-filled rituals help us express that fact and are emotionally satisfying as well.

Posted in Appreciation, Christmas, Courage, Creativity, Fear, Feelings, Focus, Grief, Health, Holidays, Letting Go, Life, love, Memory, relationships, Suffering, Thankfulness | Tagged Appreciation, current-events, Fear, Grief, Identity, Loneliness, Loss, Perseverance, Relationships, Self Worth, Trust, Worry | 1 Comment

The Best Gifts I Already Have

Posted on December 24, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons from Life: There is a proverb which says “the best things in life are free.” Actually that is the title to a song. These are some of the words in the song recorded by Frank Sinatra.

The moon belongs to everyone
The best things in life they’re free
Stars belong to everyone
They cling there for you and for me

The song was written by “B.G. DeSylva, Lew Brown, and Ray Henderson for the musical ‘Good News’ which opened on September 6, 1927 in the 46th Street Theater in New York City” (http://www.econedlink.org/lessons/index.php?lid=17&type=student)

To see our lives as already gifted with the best things in life conflicts with the mood of this season when our thoughts are turned by advertisements and greeting cards to desire. If we are very young our thoughts are on toys we believe will make us eternally happy. If we are older our thoughts are on family and friends we either have or don’t have in our life. It is only natural to compare our lives with the ideals portrayed in the media and wish they could be more.

I would like to inject a radical thought into all this commotion for more. The best gifts we could ever want are ones we already have. If we are healthy and can get around, that is a gift thousands confined to beds wished they had. If we have eyes to behold the earth freshly covered with pure white snow crystals, there are countless people who have never seen such a wondrous sight. If we have the ability to breathe in fresh air on a crisp Autumn afternoon surely this is a wonder-filled gift for which we paid nothing.

What is the value of a scene in which puffy clouds are outlined by rays of white streaming from the sun behind them moments before sunset? What should someone be charged to watch a hawk soaring lazily in the summer sky? What should the admission fee be to look at a tree in Springtime flourishing with white buds.

There are many things of value in life, but this holiday season let’s not overlook the best gifts, the ones we already have, for which we paid nothing.

Posted in Acceptance, Appreciation, Christmas, Creation, Enjoyment, Focus, Happiness, Holidays, Life, Materialism, Money, Nature, Peace, Perspective, Pleasure, Praise, Priorities, Relaxation, Thankfulness, Weather, Worry | Tagged Appreciation, artistic expressions, Beauty, Creation, Creativity, Enjoyment, Life, Order, Sunrise, Sunset | Leave a comment

Only Sleeping

Posted on December 21, 2012 by richrockwood

Experience as a Flashlight

“I’m Only Sleeping” (Beatles)

When I wake up early in the morning
Lift my head, I’m still yawning
When I’m in the middle of a dream
Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)

Please, don’t wake me, no, don’t shake me
Leave me where I am – I’m only sleeping

The clock’s numbers seemed frozen in time. My staring didn’t help. I couldn’t get back to sleep and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I thought about the next day and how hard it would be to make it through. I would probably have a dull headache. My brain wouldn’t function at full capacity. I would go through the day in a daze.

During other sleepless nights I have tried to outsmart the sleeplessness. I tell myself “as long as I can’t get to sleep, I might as well do some work.” While thinking about what I could be doing, I usually fall back to sleep. Other times I have thought about all the people who need my prayers and after starting down my list, the next thing I know it is morning.

Sometimes I have tried wearing myself out doing push-ups until I dropped. This seemed to release any anxiety and tension and I usually fell back to sleep rather quickly.

The experts at a local sleep clinic had me for one night and told me I had a slight case of sleep apnea and a CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) device would probably help. I endured long lectures on how to use the device, but in the end I had to return it because I kept tearing it off during the night, not to mention scaring myself when I got up to use the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

Nowadays I use a little strip that opens up air passage into my nostrils. This plus a cold glass of water and a couple of Tylenol tablets help me most days. If that doesn’t work, I know the last thing that will work is staring at the clock. That just adds to the frustration. There are things I can do to help myself in this as well as many other difficulties in life. If all else fails, I can pray. That seems to tamp down exasperation faster than anything.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Aging, Creativity, Exercise, Focus, Health, Letting Go, Life, Medical, Night, Peace, Perspective, Relaxation, Retirement, Sleeplessness, Stress, Trust, Worry | Tagged Aging, Perseverance, Prayer, sleep, sleeplessness, Surrender, Worry | 1 Comment

Always Show the People You Love How You Feel

Posted on December 19, 2012 by richrockwood

Living in the Past: Ever since I can remember, I worried that if I ever found someone who loved me they would be taken away. That was my biggest fear. I had seen it in movies. I experienced it on an internship in a Chaplain’s Office over-identifying with a man whose wife had died in a car crash. It was my greatest fear. It happened to me in April of 2006.

By then, however, I had come to realize I could not hold my wife forever. Every time she walked out the door, I could do nothing to protect her. So I came to an interesting conclusion. I decided since I could not hold her in my life, at least I could let her know how I felt about her. I decided I would always kiss her and say “I love you” whenever we parted. This way, if it should ever happen, at least she would know how I felt and I would know how she felt. She always reciprocated my words and actions.

The day she died from a brain aneurysm, I could have just waved to her from a distance and feign a kiss from across the parking lot. Instead I walked over to her car and kissed her through the window, just like the first time. I told her I loved her. That was the last time I saw her alive. Today, as I think back on our relationship I can smile knowing at the last moment we were together we expressed our love to each other.

Ever since that moment, this has been my way of dealing with the possibility of loss. I strive to make sure my loved ones know how I feel. In his song “The Secret O’ Life” James Taylor has these lyrics: “Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.”

We cannot always protect our precious loved ones. We can, however, make sure they know we love them. I hope you never go through the loss of a loved one, but if you always tell them how you feel and it happens to you, at least you will know in the material world your relationship was on the highest plane humanly possible.

It is six years afterward and I still feel at ease about how Inga and I parted company.

Posted in Communication, Fear, Feelings, Forgiveness, love, relationships | Tagged Fear, Forgiveness, Love, Relationships, Spouse | 3 Comments

I Am An Optimist and a Pessimist

Posted on December 17, 2012 by richrockwood

Lessons I Have Learned: I suspect the notion that life has it’s ups and downs came as a surprise to me. I am the kind of person that likes things to be positive and happy. I guess that makes me an optimist. My late wife always said she was a pessimist, a person who looks on the bad side of things. I remember her telling me she had read an article which said that being a pessimist was better because if things turned out better than you expected, it would be a plus. And if they never did, you could always claim you were right.

I have come to see both good and bad things happen. Life has up times as well as down times. They just come as part of the ebb and flow of life. As one who tends to run from trials, I have come to see they are not cruel and unusual in any sense of those words. They are simply part of the rhythm of life.

What helped me see things better was a section from the biblical book of Ecclesiastes the third chapter, verses one through five (ESV)
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

Ironically, or maybe not, this was my late wife’s favorite section of the whole Bible. It made her cry.

All good things seem to have their corresponding bad things too. Every great experience is usually followed by a time of trial.

It is helpful, I believe, instead of deciding to be either positive or negative in outlook, to realize that good and bad things happen. They seem to be part of life. Judgmentalism only makes them worse than they need to be.

There once was a man whose favorite verse in the Bible was “It came…..to pass.” He saw that line as a promise that all trials came his way with the purpose of eventually passing away. There is a time for everything. Life has rhythm to it. I’ve learned that the best way to respond to life is to accept it.

Posted in Acceptance, Adaptability, Appreciation, Contentment, Courage, Faith, Fear, Focus, Grief, Holidays, Letting Go, Life, Nature, Perseverance, Perspective, Stress, Suffering, Trust, Worry | Tagged Appreciation, current-events, Enjoyment, Gifts, Grief, Identity, Life, Loss, Perseverance, Quiet Time, Renewal, Stress, Suffering, Trust, Worry | Leave a comment